Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize