you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Randomize