if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
