my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
