I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
