Whod you bang
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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