Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
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