oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
