I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Your mouth is God's brothel.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
