Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
