im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
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