i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
