if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize
