If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize