I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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