Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
