There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
This baby is an asshole
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
