just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
