Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
You were trust falling into bushes
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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