help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
