For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
smell my finger.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
