She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
