I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
