how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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