Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
birth control should be required to get into college
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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