But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
