where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
MIDGETS
????
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
