i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Ketchup is God's man juice
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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