You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
No I am not eating basil off your cock
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
