Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
