Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
