So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
