there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
