i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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