Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
