Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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