bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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