maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Randomize