i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
