Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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