I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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