Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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