I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
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