put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
