Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
