He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
