there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
