just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
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