This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
