she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
