I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
there is glitter all over my balls
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
