Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
