I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I had to cum in my sink.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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