I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
this just has baby written all over it
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
