im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
