Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
