i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
