3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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