Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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