Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
