idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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