Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
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