Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
