My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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